THE BACHELOR

REVIEWED BY CHARITY BISHOP

Our rating: 3 out of 5

Because of: language

Rated:

A proper blend of humor and love is like a freshly brewed cappuccino... it leaves you with a warm tingly feeling. Unfortunately, The Bachelor doesn't make it much past the black coffee mark. There are a few laughs, but the sparks are rare and the film's two hour timeline seems to drag. We all know the outcome... getting there is half the fun. Too bad this movie fizzles after the first half hour.

Men are like mustangs. Well, at least that's what Jimmie Shannon believes. They have to be wild and free! Therefore, the annual ritual of "throwing the bride's bouquet" at weddings has become a major problem. You see, someone always catches that bouquet, and her man is obligated by some unwritten law of nature to propose within six to eight months. Then comes another wedding... and another bouquet. Jimmie's romance with Anne was always perfect. They've been together three years, and most of their single friends have tied the knot. Then comes the inevitable... as the only young woman at a wedding, Anne catches the bouquet. Jimmie finds himself on a downslide, headed fast toward married life... but he's not ready to give up his freedom just yet. Gritting his teeth and following the advice of his Grandad that he should get married before he's too old to have children, he books a table in the Starlight Room (the ONLY place to propose) and muddles his way through the evening. All around them people are popping the question. But he bungles it.

Anne tells him he's obviously not ready to get married... he still has that "wild mustang look" in his eye. She storms out. She waters her apartment, which overflows with several dozen red roses. She tosses his "I'm sorry" cards. His proposal has become notorious. People everywhere are talking about how badly he messed up. Then drops the bombshell... Grandad dies and leaves his entire estate to Jimmie. With... err... one or two conditions: he has to get married by his 30th birthday, remain married for ten years, and have at least one child within five years of the wedding. Oops. As it turns out, Jimmie turns 30 tomorrow. No problem. He'll just forgo his 100,000,000 inheritance. No can do. There's a byline... if he doesn't claim this inheritance, the entire company will be liquidated. Half the town will be out of a job, all thanks to his bungling. He now has twenty-four hours to persuade Anne to marry him... or find someone who will. Who thought proposing could be this complicated?

Right off the bat, I'll say The Bachelor has a few laughs and a sometimes cute premise, but begins to founder in its own absurdity. There's no chemistry to begin with, which makes the following two hours hard to take. It's not horrible, but it's not The Wedding Planner either. I actually found the most amusing character to be the Priest Jimmie drags around for forty-eight hours. In his somber suit of black, with much rolling of the eyes and the occasional shake of his head, he's a silent observer to the chaos unfurling around our male lead. He also has some of the lion's share of wisdom the film has to offer... namely marriage is a serious business, and should only be attempted with someone you're willing to spend the rest of your life with.

Content pops up occasionally, but for the most part it's a relatively smooth ride if you can handle the quips. Anne and Jimmie's romance stays refreshingly out of the bedroom, although it's implied he wasn't so tight with his morals with some of his earlier girlfriends. Language becomes a minor issue, with a half dozen uses of GD, and one audible f-word (after a man's girlfriend catches the bouquet). Too bad, then, that the film hints at other abuses of language. Jimmie's lawyer hits the pause button halfway through his Grandad's "you're f---" speech, and mimics him several times later. During the first proposal (one of many) Jimmie says it's time to "sh*t or get off the pot," to which Anne has a hysterical fit for using such a phrase in a romantic atmosphere like the Starlight Room. They hold a lengthy argument over the idea, and the s-word is thrown around several more times.

Innuendo crops up several times. Something which offended me was the emphasis Grandad places on childbearing, as if women are just chattel to bear children. Jimmie also has a "box" of pictures of former girlfriends (all modest) that he thumbs through. A former girlfriend scholar says Jimmie's a chauvinist pig for trying to give her flowers, since they symbolize a vagina. A couple of gay references pop up for laughs, and women show cleavage in their wedding gowns. An actress crudely states that she can't remember anything about him other than the fact that they had sex once or twice. The flaws are subtle but present, and the premise doesn't give enough actual frosting to keep the cake from turning stale. This is one wedding I wouldn't go out of my way to attend.

© www.charitysplace.com - all rights reserved.