CAT IN THE HAT

REVIEWED BY CHARITY BISHOP

Our rating: 3 out of 5

Because of: sexual implications, innuendo

Rated:

We all remember Dr. Seuss' adventurous story of the cat in the hat who came to cheer up children on a rainy day. When I heard this adaptation was being filmed, my ears pricked up. Then I heard it involved Mike Myers and I groaned. The result is a hodgepodge comedy which tries to appeal to both children and adults and fails miserably. Adults won't be kept riveted by the childish plot, and little kids have no need to hear half-truncated profanities and sexual innuendo intended for the high school crowd. On a rainy afternoon while the babysitter sleeps, siblings Conrad (Spencer Breslin) and Sally (Dakota Fanning) are up to no good. Thoroughly bored and under the order by their mother NOT to mess up the house since she has clients coming, they're entertained by the appearance of The Cat in the Hat.

He comes in, shakes off his umbrella, and invites them to play. First they must sign a contract which guarantees they can have all the fun they want without anything bad ever happening as a result. Their first adventure takes place in the off-limits room, then moves to the kitchen where The Cat introduces two new friends... Thing 1 and Thing 2, from his magical crate. They do the exact opposite of whatever you ask them to do, resulting in chaos. Conrad, a rule-breaker by nature, then steps out too far. He opens the crate without The Cat's permission, and releases a crab-like evil toy which latches onto their pet pooch. Now they must go on a rescue mission. As you can see, the plot is fairly simple and aimed at third-graders. The only thing that might bring older kids into the audience is Mike Myers, which is precisely why most parents will decide to stay away.

Famous for the filthy Austen Powers films, you hardly want to introduce his acting to preteen kids. He may be the voice of Shrek, but there's too much to derail family viewing when it comes to The Cat in the Hat. Even though all of their antics lend the children into trouble, disobedience is no laughing matter. Off-limits means off-limits, even if a cat wearing a striped top hat shows up at your front door. I'm concerned younger children will be unable to define why Conrad and Sally are allowed to break rules, when they're expected to keep them. Most children's movies have this common problem: restrictive parents, and rebellious little kids. What I like to see most is a movie where the parent figure is respected, which is rarely found in comedies aimed at the juvenile crowd. While the house is intact by the time Mother gets home, and the children are equally willing to share the blame, it doesn't make up for the disobedience behind mom's back.

The content in the film amazed even the director -- he told reporters he was surprised they didn't get a PG13 rating. They should have. In addition to comical violence (such as the cat chopping his own tail off with a meat cleaver, and being treated like a piņata at a birthday party -- he's hit in the crotch), there's a lot of double-innuendoes and sexual references. The Cat at one point explains how he came into being, and stops just short of describing sexual intercourse. They make a joke out of a photograph which unrolls like a centerfold, at which the cat gets excited. He caresses a garden hoe and calls it a "dirty ho," and ogles a shapely girl in a bar. He also does an imitation of a repair man who can't keep his pants up all the way. There's no actual profanity -- but a couple of bad words are bleeped out (everyone in the audience knows what they are), and some British slang remains ("bloody).

Crude humor also permeates the script. A dog who likes to urinate on things. References to flatulence. Belching. A little bit is comical. A lot is overdoing it and borders on insensitive. Our culture relies too heavily on crude humor when we should be asking for comical situations. The days of pleasing children with the Lone Ranger are gone. Now it's all course, vulgar jokes, hitting people with bricks, and sassing your elders. The plot is fairly simple, the visual of this film is everything we would expect it to be, and yet the script fails when it comes to being solid family entertainment. Avoid this and rent The Grinch instead, which at least tries to be a family film.