THE ELIGIBLE BACHELOR

REVIEWED BY CHARITY BISHOP

Our rating: 2 out of 5

Because of: morbid thematic elements

Rated:

After their great success with the television series concerning the adventures of the infamous sleuth from Baker Street, Granada went on to produce several more seasons and a few independent two-hour films. Under the hands of a different, less enthusiastic director, Jeremy Brett's Holmes became irritating rather than eccentric and likable. The actor himself also suffered from a sad malady that catches up to the best of us... age. By the time The Eligible Batchelor was penned, Brett no longer fit the nervous, slender profile. This dampens many of his later projects and contributes to a large degree of my loathing for this production, which is less Holmes and more psychopathic, gothic thriller. Those familiar with Doyle's stories will find themselves unable to believe this is even the same detective, much less an adventure based on one of his cases.

Three men struggle with a deranged woman as they force her down a long dark corridor. Eventually drugging her, they throw her into the back of an asylum cart. Numerous miles away, Sherlock Holmes (Jeremy Brett) is observing the cold stone walls of a local mental institution. Encouraging his driver on, he is left at the door of Baker Street in a sorrowful frame of mind. Dr. Watson (Edward Hardwicke) has been called away to a medical conference, and Mrs. Hudson is concerned with her tenant's frame of mind. Holmes is plagued with violent, terrible nightmares of darkened rooms, witch-like figures with long talons, glowing cat eyes, scarlet chairs, and the long loneliness of the Grimpen Mire. Unable to sleep, he wanders the streets of London throughout the night and has taken severely ill as a result.

The city is buzzing over the announcement of an engagement between American heiress Henrietta Doran and her independently wealthy husband-to-be, Lord Robert St. Simon. But on the day of the wedding, something curious occurs. The bride is happy prior to the ceremony, but unhappy afterward. She briefly dropped her bouquet as she was coming down the center isle on the arm of her husband, then went to the wedding breakfast and promptly disappeared. Foul play is suspected and an actress with a former alliance with Lord St. Simon has been arrested. She was seen speaking with Henrietta briefly in the park, shortly after making a drunken scene on St. Simon's doorstep. Wishing to spare no expense in discovering his wife's current whereabouts -- and even if she's still alive -- Robert comes to Baker Street to enlist the great detective's help.

Holmes is drawn into the mystery while attempting to sort out his own complex thoughts. Watson holds there is no meaning in his dreams save that of an unsettled mind, but one by one the links of the chain begin to fall into place... and he fears the horrific nightmare may come to reality. This unusual premise sets the stage for one of the strangest, most darkly morbid adaptations I've ever seen. The screenplay is primarily based on The Noble Bachelor but adapts various other twists from the canon, as well as some original ideas. Overall the whole thing feels like a cheap rip-off of Jane Eyre and other gothic horror films. Attempts to make camera angles unique only succeed in annoying the viewer. Close-ups are terrible; often you want to yank the camera back about four feet. Holmes is barely recognizable, without any of his usual talents or traits.

Aside from being morbid and dark, there's not a great deal of content aside from the thematic. Frightening nightmares we're forced to relive time and again. Insane people screaming as they're dealt with. A veiled woman whose face is horribly scarred. There is quite a bit of mild profanity, including one shocking use of GD, some violence and blood, and conversation about mistresses. Someone is killed by having a backdrop fall over on them. A man cuts a woman's face with a garden fork. The villain is eventually dispatched by having a wall full of boulders drop on him. The production has a very dark, sinister, nasty feel to it. Even Baker Street is gloomy and full of vagabonds. Prostitutes walking the city streets, drunken people singing at the top of their lungs, dirty windowpanes and messy living quarters. It's a far cry from the sunlit, cheerful flat we're accustomed to seeing on a well-groomed avenue. 

The change is hardly a pleasant one.