ROMANCING THE STONE

REVIEWED BY ERIN DAMAN

Our rating: 3 out of 5

Because of: sexual content, language, violence

Rated:

Joan Wilder (Kathleen Turner) lives a very secluded life, making her living as a best-selling romance novelist. Despite her editors attempts at matchmaking, Joan is convinced that the man of her dreams is out there somewhere, the very embodiment of her novels’ hero.  But one day, Joan’s quiet life comes crashing down around her when she gets a frantic call from her recently widowed sister, Eileen.  She tells Joan that she has been kidnapped, and Joan must bring the package mailed to her by Eileen’s husband right before he was murdered. Its contents? A valuable treasure map, wanted by men desperate enough to kill for it. So quiet Joan is forced to leave her familiar surroundings and sheltered life to travel to Colombia, South America, to save her sister.

That’s where things start going wrong. A friendly stranger (Michael Douglas) kindly shows Joan to the bus that leads to the town where her sister is being held captive. The bus, however, crashes in the jungle, leaving Joan stranded in the middle of nowhere.  The other passengers leave, but the friendly stranger tells Joan another bus will come along soon. So Joan and the stranger stay behind.  As soon as everyone is gone, he pulls a gun on her. But out of nowhere a dashing stranger appears, saves Joan, and sends the bad guy running. After a short conversation, the stranger (whose name is Jack Colton) informs Joan she was on the wrong bus, and she is miles and miles away from where she needs to be.  With that, Joan hires Jack to guide her out of the jungle and get her to her sister.  Let the adventures begin!  Being chased by the mysterious bad guy, teaming up with a crazy (but rich!) fan of Joan’s novels, and making one close escape after another are only a sample of what they encounter as they try to reach Eileen.

Along the way, they not only fall in love, but they also find one of the landmarks on the treasure map, and decide to get the treasure, THEN give Eileen’s captors the map. The treasure hunt takes them in and out of one scrape after the other, and as they get closer to the treasure, the danger gets thicker. The climax is a riveting maze of plot twists and turns that will keep you on the very edge of your seat. This thrilling adventure isn’t without its faults, and I do mean faults!  I couldn’t believe that this movie was only a PG!  For a “PG” movie, it sure had a lot of language. 15 misuses of God’s name, often coupled with profanity, 2 misuses of Jesus’ name, 11 scatological and 2 anatomical references, 3 S.O.B.’s, 10 h*ll, 2 d*mn, and 3 other profanities soured the movie.  Also, there was a lot of sensuality. Of course, they ruin the movie by having Jack and Joan sleep together, throwing fornication and partial nudity into the mix. There is also immodesty verging on partial nudity at the very beginning. There really isn’t that much innuendo, a lot less than I expected once I realized the movie was not going to be as clean as I had anticipated. 

Jack and Joan make a “campfire” out of bundles of Marijuana they found in a wrecked plane in the jungle. Drugs weren’t all they found. They came across a gross skeleton in the cockpit. There is quite a bit of violence, lots of shooting and such.  But they save the graphic gore for the end. A guy gets his hand eaten by a crocodile. It was GROSS. Seriously. Some more REALLY painful looking things happen to the same guy that absolutely makes you cringe. Icky!  (I’m telling you, this guy is having a REALLY bad day.)  Since this flick takes place in Colombia, sometimes it’s hard to understand people because of their accents, and a lot of the Colombian characters’ names are hard to catch. If you liked Crocodile Dundee, you’ll like this one.  I was really impressed with the ending... “It’s just full of thrills!” as Anne Shirley would say.  Less desirable elements aside, you’re in for a treat!

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