THE GOONIES

REVIEWED BY CARISSA HORTON

Our rating: 3 out of 5

Because of: language, innuendo

Rated:

The people of the Astoria goon docks are a special family all their own. Mikey Walsh (Sean Astin) and his older brother Brand (Josh Brolin) have everything a person could want, family and the best of friends. Yet, all that is about to be taken away in the blink of an eye; by industry and the creation of a golf course. Mikey and his friends are mostly resigned to their fate and the agony of being split apart, but Mikey still has hope, which the others have abandoned. While vigorously exploring the attic of the Walsh home, Mikey and the other Goonies stumble across what appears to be a genuine treasure map of what looks like their Oregon coastline, along with a mysterious shaped medallion. Brand doubts the reliability of the map but our Mikey is a dreamer and remembers the tales told to him by his father. Tales of a pirate named One Eyed Willie, of gold and plunder, and the final disappearance of Willie and his treasure.

With the enthusiasm that makes his character priceless, Mikey convinces his friends to have one more adventure together, to be the Goonies for one last time. Leaving a furious Brand tied to an easy chair with his own exercise equipment, the Goonies set off for the land of treasure and adventure. The map leads Mikey, Mouth (Corey Feldman), Data (Ke Huy Quan), and Chunk (Jeff Cohen) to an area of the coast where the medallion matches perfectly with some rocks and a lighthouse. The treasure could only be beneath one place, an abandoned summer restaurant. Making their way inside only to be intercepted by a threatening woman and her two adult sons, Mikey uses a ruse and bolts into the basement, searching for anything that would give him a clue as to where the treasure could be buried. Stumbling across a huge monster (which may be human, but then again may not), Mikey hightails it for freedom.

Meanwhile, Brand's mother finally arrives home and releases him from his humorous prison. Striking out after Mikey on a little kid's bike (his own had the air let out of the tires by Mouth), Brand runs into trouble with Troy (Steve Antin), a rich teen who's all for the tearing down of the goon docks and is determined to impress the lovely Andy (Kerry Green) and her best friend Stef (Martha Plimpton). Almost losing his life, due to being flung off the edge of the road by Troy, Brand finally catches up with the Goonies, and yanks them out of the restaurant in a fury. It's a good thing Brand came along when he did, for the people who have commandeered the restaurant are none other then the criminal Fratellis, wanted by the police, the FBI, and everyone in-between. The Goonies, including Andy and Stef who left Troy's not so pleasant company, lie in wait until the Fratellis leave with what looks like a body stuffed in a sack, then make their way back toward the restaurant.

Following Mikey's lead, the group makes their way downstairs, where through a ridiculous chain of events, they discover that the fireplace has a hole in the bottom, which was boarded up from down below. Hearing the Fratellis returning, the kids have no choice but to go down that hole, which is music to Mikey's ears and his treasure loving heart. Chunk is accidentally left behind, goes for help, but is caught (naturally), then questioned by the Fratellis and spills why the kids are there to begin with. Tied up in a chair while the Fratellis go child and treasure hunting, Chunk unexpectedly makes a new friend, albeit horribly disfigured, but with superhuman strength that can help them both escape. Mikey and the others cautiously head down several tunnels and finally discover the skeleton of Chester Copperpot, a man who was supposed to be an expert in treasure hunting but who had been lost and never recovered, until now. Obviously, good old Chester never made it out, but he does have a skeleton shaped key on a chain which may come in handy.

Setting off booby traps left and right, the Goonies discover the bottom of the old wishing well, and who would you expect to be up the well, but Troy and his buddies. By this point, Andy is ready to get out of the tunnels and the others are tiring as well. However, Mikey won't give up and he reminds everyone of how far they've come, even further then Mr. Copperpot which is a miracle in itself. The decision was made to continue and a miffed Troy only hauls up his personalized sports jacket (Andy had been wearing it). The chance of evading the criminals and surviving constant peril seem slim, but these are the Goonies and they're fighting for something bigger then just treasure. They are fighting for their homes and livelihood, for their future.

Filled with criminals and exciting twists and turns, The Goonies is an enjoyable film from beginning to end, but still has many faults the least of these being language. There are several uses of s**t, d**n, and the Lord's name in vain. There are also crude comments made, mostly by Mouth (well named), but by a few others too. A nude male statue winds up with a certain part of his anatomy snapped off and Mikey tries frantically to glue it back on. There's also a lot of sexual undertones, particularly between Andy and Brand. There are a few kisses, including one where Andy mistakes Mikey for Brand in the dark. Andy also wears a very (and I mean very) short skirt, which probably helps in her flirtatious actions toward Brand.

There's also once when nature calls, and the guys have to use the restroom in the caves. Nothing is seen, but the sound is enough to get the point across. At one point, the Goonies go between the legs of Sloth Fratelli, but no inappropriate remarks are made. Then there's the fear factor, which can be powerful. Mama Fratelli threatens to cut out Mouth's tongue, and she also uses a blender to convince Chunk to talk (threatens to put his hand in while the blender's running). Several skeletons are found in varying degrees of decay. A male corpse is also discovered in a freezer, and it's not a pretty picture.

In the end, The Goonies is probably only for Sean Astin fans who'll love him no matter what. I must admit, Mikey is really the only redeeming quality to the film. His nature is sweet and gentle. His relationship with Brand really is a loving one, despite the few arguments. You can see bits and pieces of a young Samwise Gamgee come through in Mikey Walsh, which makes everything worthwhile. I don't recall Mikey even swearing except for perhaps one use of d**n. The special effects and some scenes can be a bit corny at times, but only because of the era when the film was made. For you Indiana Jones fans, keep a sharp eye out for the young kid who plays Shorty in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Not a true family movie, The Goonies is better for older teens and adults; definitely not for the kiddies. Considering the many flaws, I believe this film would have received a PG13 rating had it been made today, yet I intend to add it to my collection simply because Sean Astin is completely awesome and makes it invaluable.