Immortals (2011)
Our rating: 2 out of 5
Reviewer: Charity Bishop
This film was slammed by the critics when it first came out, which is no indication that it may not be likable... but for once I agree with them. This film has little style and no substance.
In ancient times, the gods are forbidden from interfering in the affairs of men unless the infamous Titans are released. Zeus (Luke Evans) warns his children against engaging in battle when King Hyperon begins to terrorize the mainland. His intention is to find a mystical bow, and he believes the oracle Phaedra (Freida Pinto) can reveal its whereabouts. But she is always surrounded by companions and no one knows which is the true oracle. When she is captured in the temple, she encounters Theseus (Henry Cavill), about whom she has a vision. A man of distinction but little interest in politics, Theseus and his companions help her escape... and are engaged in an epic war between the gods and the Titans.
Five minutes into this movie I thought it was terrible. The thing is, some movies start out bad and then get better. This one never did. It is an emotionless, passion-less project with one-dimensional characters. There are some pretty costumes but nothing much to look at, and the entire film was shot in such dark interiors that if you don't watch it in a pitch black room, you won't be able to see much of anything -- which is at times a blessing. There are some incredible visual effects here and there, particularly in the last fifteen minutes, but frankly in spite of all the violence, it's boring. When you don't engage with the characters on an emotional level, and you don't care if the love story works, there's no point in investing in the film at all. The acting staggers between decent and terrible.
It feels like this was pitched in a hurry, written in a crunch, and then filmed without a capable director at its helm to see when it wasn't working. At least with the atrocious Clash of the Titans, I was entertained. Here, not so much. It had a big budget and clearly most of it went into the special effects. There are some cool moments when Zeus shows up, but overall it's forgettable. Mild language intrudes on occasion. It is decided midway through, after knowing him for all of twenty-four hours, that Phaedra is in love with Theseus. She then proceeds to sleep with him, knowing that will destroy her visions (oracles must be virgins -- a fuss is made over that quite a few times). The audience is treated to a really strange close-up of her bare backside as she drops her garment, and then climbs into bed with him. The sex scene is brief.
Violence on the other hand is frequent and graphic -- blood spurts everywhere, and Zeus has a lot of fun destroying Titans with a hammer. They seem made of stone, but explode into red bits with dazzling blood drops flying through the air. Elsewhere, people are shot with arrows, speared through the heart, or are decapitated. Paganism is rampant throughout, with interaction between the gods (they seem nice, contrary to most legends about them) and men, the moaning and visions of the oracle, and so forth. Even worse, the last five minutes sets up a potential sequel, which would probably be just as insipid and uninspiring as this one. Please, no. Just... no.
